What Human Is
by 0torno
Summary: AU - Jasmine learns the truth about Dain before it's too late, and deals with it. Then it's too late.


The first time Dain kissed her, the sun was going down. The dying orange and pink sunlight glowing on the water reflected off his silky hair and deep eyes, painting his face into a symphony of colors. The two stood tentatively on the banks of the river, side by side.

They had been traveling together with Lief and Barda for more than a week, but Jasmine still did not feel completely at ease with the boy from the resistance. There was something odd about Dain; an age and weight to him that defied his years, quiet dignity and intelligence that she had never seen the likes of. His still surface gave no hint to what passions existed within, and for one who wore her heart on her sleeve that was disconcerting. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her; something that had yet to be revealed, for the intensity she sometimes recognized in him could not be without a source. His polite, cultured ways were also alien to her - for what use was there in the Forests of Silence for ceremony and propriety?

She liked him, indeed she felt more comfortable with him than with almost all the people she had met, but his private manner made her wonder.

Dain gestured awkwardly at the sky. "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Pretty," Jasmine smiled easily, although wondering why he had asked her to come see this alone; Lief and Barda would appreciate the spectacle just as much as she would. Much about the boy intrigued her. "Very pretty, Dain."

He smiled slightly at that, lips turning up gently and heavy eyelashes fluttering.

"Just like you," he said quietly, stepping forwards. Biting his lip, he reached for her hand but abruptly abandoned the gesture at the last minute. Jasmine raised an eyebrow at the action, curious and a little wary.

"What is it, Dain?" He took a steadying breath, glancing at the stillness of the golden-pink river as if for courage before looking at her again.

And then he leaned in, pressing his lips to hers in a rapid kiss that took her breath away in surprise. Feeling the heat rise in her face, she stared at him, heart pounding. "What was that?"

But the excited, bashful flush on his delicate cheekbones was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. His big dark eyes locked onto hers and her knees were jello. "I really like you, Jasmine," he said shyly. He clasped his hands together tightly, regarding her with a soft smile from under those thick lashes.

"Uh, I like you too. I guess." And only as he walked back to the camp, light smile still firmly in place, did Jasmine consider that maybe maybe all that he had been hiding was what he had just revealed.

***

The campfire cast flickering light over the clearing, creating dancing shadows on Dain's face and cloak. The others were still off collecting more wood, leaving the resistance member to guard their supplies, but Jasmine returned early; what had begun as a simple errand had quickly become cherished time when the three companions could speak freely - far from Dain's sharp ears - and the minutes had stretched into hours. Jasmine felt bad for leaving him alone; he looked awful. His mournful eyes, eyes that were fixed somewhere in the distance, were seemingly staring intently at something Jasmine could not see. Dain bit his lip in that way that looked sad and thoughtful and nervous all at once. His knees were drawn up tightly to his chest as if his own body were the only thing from which he could draw warmth and comfort; he looked tiny and ill beside the dim forest surrounding the small circle of orange light as he shivered.

Jasmine approached him from behind and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. With a growl of surprise, Dain stood and spun her around faster than she had believed possible, violently twisting her arm. The cold metal of his dagger pressed firmly on her throat.

"Hey!" she yelped. "It's me, idiot!" She would have to remember that Dain was more dangerous than he looked; he often appeared frail and delicate, but that didn't make him any less of a fighter. He had been trained by Doom, after all.

"Jasmine?" he cried, shocked. He sheathed the dagger in one fluid motion. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little on edge. You guys were gone a long time."

Jasmine rubbed her neck. "I know, but that's no excuse to try and kill me." She punched him playfully, but Dain just smiled halfheartedly, obviously humoring her.

Sitting down, Jasmine pulled him to lean against the tree beside her. "You're upset, Dain. I can tell. Now what's wrong?"

He pulled his knees up again and rested his chin on them. "Sometimes I just miss them so much," he whispered. "I mean, if Lief's parents died tomorrow, he would at least have memories. But... I was so young when my parents were taken." He swallowed. "I can barely even picture their faces anymore."

"I know," Jasmine replied sympathetically. "The others don't realize how much it can hurt."

Dain's jaw tightened. "Lief's family is still intact, despite the distance. They are all protecting each other, all offering love and support. But we have no one taking care of us." He looked so sad, with his arms wrapped protectively around his knees, that Jasmine just wanted to hug him tightly and promise everything would be alright.

"I... I feel so lonely sometimes," he admitted, gasping slightly though the shininess of early tears in his eyes did not spill over. "No one else really understands, do they? And... If my parents aren't in Tora, as I fear in the back of my mind, I don't know where I'll look," he said, face shadowed with misery. A tear slipped down his cheek.

"Well, if no one's going to take care of us, I guess we'll just have to take care of each other." Jasmine was almost surprised by the words hat came from her mouth unbidden, the ferocity of her desire to make him feel better. But then, at that moment she hated that little crystal tear more than all the Grey Guards in the world. Maybe Dain was being weak in a way that should have been repulsive to her, but his quiet strength couldn't always be there. Even she sometimes needed Filli or Kree to comfort her.

Jasmine wiped the tear off his pale face with one finger, so only its shining trail was left glimmering in the firelight. She put one arm over his narrow shoulders and wrapped his cloak around both of them.

"Dain."

"Yes?" His voice remained a little muffled, as if by tears, but it was strong. He was strong, despite all that he had been through, despite how easy it was to think of him as fragile.

"I'll take care of you if you take care of me, okay? Deal?"

"Okay, Jasmine." And his tired little smile, his huge dark eyes, made her stomach flip with something entirely different from nausea. Without consciously deciding to, she turned his jaw towards her own and kissed him. Maybe she knew it would make him happy, or maybe her lips were cold. Or maybe she just wanted to see that pink flush on his high cheekbones; even Jasmine herself wasn't sure.

***

"Will you come with us, Dain?" Doom asked harshly. "Will you return to the resistance, as your parents would have wanted?"

Dain bowed his head, silky hair flopping elegantly over his dark eyes. Jasmine could not tell if he was showing submission or just deep thought (or if he still felt ill), and anyway her vision was full of spots; the pristine beauty of Tora was indeed blinding.

"I... I'll come with you. That's where I belong. There's nothing for me here," he said regretfully, not quite looking at Jasmine.

Doom did not smile, but the hard line of his mouth unclenched imperceptibly. He hoisted a pack on his shoulder and turned to go, tossing another pack to Dain, who caught it and swung it up.

"If we leave now, we should make it to the Garramore Vale stronghold by sundown," Doom called, starting to walk away.

Jasmine would have liked to say she didn't care that Dain left. But she had grown used to his presence before his kidnapping, and the relief from finding him again was fresh in her mind. She didn't want him to go.

Dain went to follow the resistance leader but hesitated. "Lief, Barda... Jasmine," he murmured. "Thank you for everything. I hope when we meet again, there will be no secrets between us." His soulful eyes were on her as Lief replied, "Thank you, Dain. You saved our lives many times. I'm sorry your parents weren't in Tora." Giving a strained smile, Dain raised an elegant hand in farewell and set off along the road. And as she watched his slim figure disappear over the ridge of the first hill, Jasmine sort of wished that he had kissed her goodbye no matter who would have seen. Only sort of, though.

***

The world was bathed in light the next time they met. Sunlight drenched the newly visible forest floor of the Valley of the Lost, spilling glorious rays into the long-starved leaves which drank it up gratefully. As Doom and Dain rounded the corner of the narrow path, catching sight of the group, he broke into an eager run with legs flying on the packed earth. He stopped when Doom told him to, but Jasmine had seen. A chill of affection went down her spine when she saw his dark eyes, ecstatic, were trained upon her.

After greetings were exchanged and stories were told, Jasmine saw Dain stroll casually away from the others, seemingly examining the long, flat leaves of a dark bush. He wandered out of view and after a minute Jasmine followed him silently. She found him crouched by a gurgling stream, sawing a branch of the leaves off with his dagger. Dappled sunlight turned his cloak into perfect camouflage, but Jasmine knew forests. She saw him easily. Stealing up behind she put her hands on her hips, waiting to see his reaction.

"What are the leaves for?"

Dain whirled around, dagger bared, ready to fight. But the calculated violence in his eyes was instantly replaced with surprise and warmth.

"Jasmine!" He threw his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I hoped you would follow me. I missed you so much," he murmured into her hair. "I was worried I might never see you again."

"Well, I was worried about you, too," Jasmine smiled, Filli chattering in agreement. "In our line of work, you never know what could happen."

Dain nodded. That flush she loved so much was on his cheeks as he took her hand, looking at it absently.

"An ak-baba could fly down right now, Jasmine. We could be dead within hours."

She raised an eyebrow. "I guess. But we can't know for sure, so what's the point of worrying?"

"My point exactly," Dain whispered. "If you live life on the edge, you should live it to the fullest." His eyes were deep and passionate, full of an intensity that was almost frightening, as he pushed a strand of flyaway hair from her face. He was somehow completely different from the cautious boy of mere minutes ago.

He exhaled softly. "I really missed you, Jasmine." His breath tickled her nose; their faces were only inches apart.

Heart pounding in her ears, she stepped back slightly. "I missed you too," she said politely. Dain smiled enigmatically.

Then his lips were on hers, his hands in her hair. The heat of his body and her own furious heart felt good, exciting and artful in their innocent lust as she kissed him back. Dain was almost violent in his passion, but remained somehow tender at the same time. Jasmine put her hands behind his neck, pulling him closer. He pressed his mouth onto hers with more need and desperation than Jasmine would have believed possible and she returned the favor, suddenly fearful for her own mortality. Should she not experience all she could from life? Should she not care for this boy?

When they broke apart, breathless, Dain's huge eyes searched her soul. "I love you, Jasmine."

The words made her stomach twist in pleasure. She responded by launching herself at him, and lying on top of him on the soft blanket of moss and earthy smell of dead leaves. She cut off his cry of surprise with a kiss.

They remained on the ground, lips locked, for several minutes; laughing and teasing and tasting the flavor of each others' skin. And when Lief came along Dain falteringly explained that he had just tripped, knocking Jasmine down with him.

***

Hours later, in the dark of the evening when they lay on the ground behind Steven's caravan, exhausted, Dain cried.

His hair was tangled, his pale brow damp with sweat from the clumsy tryst of mere minutes before, naked body colder than it should have been. His slim shoulders shook with real sobs as he lay on the ground, half-heartedly trying to rise. He seemed broken.

"Dain, what is it?" Jasmine asked urgently. He shook his head mutely, letting an ocean of tears spill down his face unhindered. The moonlight caught on the dampness, making his skin even more pale than usual. He pushed himself up on one slim arm, shoving Jasmine's head off his chest.

"What is it?" she pleaded again, angry at his pain and her pathetic need to comfort him. He shook his head again. Sitting up, he buried his face in his hands.

"Dain, just tell me what's wrong! Are... are you sorry for what we just did?" Here it was: fear. This was why she kept her distance.

"No, n-nothing like that," Dain said in shock. He sniffled and brushed uselessly at the tears running down his face. "I'm glad. I have no r-regrets." He dissolved into a fresh wave of sobs and stood unsteadily. "I- I have to go, Jasmine, I- I'm so sorry-"

"-Damn it, Dain, tell me what's wrong or I'll do something nasty to you!" Jasmine interrupted, yanking him back down on the ground. "You can't go anywhere like this anyway, you're not wearing any clothes."

Dain wrapped his cloak tightly around his shoulders and shuddered. "Jasmine... I haven't been completely honest with you." His thin form was ghostly white and frail in the blackness of the forest. He looked up and his eyes bored into her, dark pits of haunting and nightmares; darker, so much darker, than mere moments ago.

His voice was smooth and cold when the words finally slipped from his lips:

"There's something I have to tell you."

***

When the sun rose, glaring and harsh on the delicate morning, the birds screamed more piercingly than Jasmine had ever heard before. Their shrill cries grated on her ears, as did the bright greetings of her companions. Only Doom remained silent; suspicious, always suspicious, and maybe those cold eyes guessed what she had done.

"Where is Dain?"

Jasmine shook her head, tried to shrug casually. "I don't know."

Doom's eyes flashed. "Steven saw you, you know. I know you slept with- I mean, beside- him," he spat venemously, though he spoke so quietly the others could not hear. "Now where is Dain?"

It was funny, really, the way the most paranoid, most distrusting of them all had been so completely fooled by the modest little boy, was still so fiercely loyal to the monster and protective of him. Fond of him, Jasmine realized suddenly, taken in as she had been by the quiet intensity and deep dark eyes. Fool.

"I don't know."

***

And it's only later that Jasmine wondered if she did the right thing. Maybe being human has less to do with what side of the chest your heart is on, and more with your choices. He really seemed sincere in his repentance, those gossamer tears.

No; she was fooled the first time. She did the right thing. Monsters can't evolve, can't stray from the purpose of their evolution.

Can they?


End file.
